Friday, August 3, 2007

Sunday Scribblings

Decisions that I have made and regretted. That is all that comes to my mind when I think of the word "decision".

And the very worst, the life altering, earth shattering, forever changed what should have been, was meant to be, the children I should have had, all that was destroyed with one mind boggling decision to drink and drive and in that brain numbed, altered pissed off state, I picked up a total stranger in a bar and then crashed my car and almost killed us both.

I was in a hospital for ten days, broken jaw, broken arm, cracked neck and a multitude of lesser injuries.

Nothing hurt or scarred me worse than my boyfriend telling me he could not forgive my indiscretion and he left me.

30 years later (30 years to the date tonight of the crash) I know that other things were wrong with our relationship. At the time I just blamed myself for everything.

I spent the better part of 20 years after that regretting that night and the consequences that befell me.

It did take me 20 years to be at a place where I could meet someone (that was not him) that I could let love me (who was not him) and accept that I deserved to be loved (by someone else).

I met him 10 years ago to the date.

August 3rd is either my tailsman or my fate.


Beautiful Witch said...

Powerful stuff.

Your journey and the events of that journey are more significant than most people could expect to live during their lifetime. To move into a peaceful accepting of who you are now, comes with the knowledge and peaceful acceptance of who you were then, which is quite an achievement.

paisley said...


a perfect numerological phrase for a perfect pairing....

i believe it is your talisman... your first experience could very well have been an unanswered prayer......

colleen said...

That was some heavy instant karma. But perhaps what it detoured you from was something worse?? Sometimes we need a whack upside the head to get us back on course.

Liza's Eyeview said...

Here from Sunday Scribblings. Thanks for sharing.

Patois said...

I second Beautiful Witch's comment: powerful stuff.

gautami tripathy said...

Certain things cannot be explained. We have to accept those.

mamacita chilena said...

You are so brave to share that with your blog readers. I think you're inspiring the way you are so honest with us and with yourself. Like everybody has already said...very powerful stuff.